It's time...

It's been a while...it's been a long while. Now it is time. Time to do something. Time to do something I have been meaning to do for a long time but have never gotten around to in the small hours of the night. It's time to write again. It's time to feel again. It's time to put everything out there and see what happens. This is me naked. This is my brain and my thoughts and my dementia on display for everyone to see. This is my way out. It's time. It's time to make a move and it's time to do this thing.

The alcohol is coursing through my veins now and I am sure that I will have something profound and life-changing to say later if I don't fall asleep first. I am in a new place now, a small room on the top floor of a house in the middle of suburbia, working the nine to five that's not really a nine to five, working my way through an education that I'm hoping I'll be able to pay off before I turn 50. The past two years have been heaven and hell and everything in between. And guess what?

I'm still here.

It always amazes me that no matter what happens, I survive. I adapt. I keep going. I keep pushing. I never give up. The world doesn't end...and I feel now like if it did, I would be the last bastard on the planet at the top of a mountain with my shirt torn and blood streaming down my forehead screaming at the heavens, "IS THAT THE BEST YOU'VE GOT?!!!" What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right? And by now I'm one tough dude, right? Bulletproof, right? Right?

I survive, I adapt, I keep going, I keep pushing, I never give up...because of the amazing people that I have around me. I have to do all of those things. I have to do all of those things because if I didn't, I'd never be able to pay them back for all of the things that they've done for me in my life. They give me the strength, they give me the drive, and they give me the desire to keep going no matter how tough the going gets.

All they've ever asked of me is to be myself. All they've ever wanted was for me to be there and be a part of their lives. They've given me everything and expected nothing in return. They've been there no matter what. They've loved me unconditionally and meant everything to me. And now...

It's time.

And that's why I'm here. And that's why I write. Because this is a part of me. This is who I am.

And if you are reading this right now...this is just part of my way of being me.

And saying thank you...

For everything.